I am feeling very overwhelmed lately with a sudden influx of job/writing career/relationship success, its hard to keep it all straight but I am certain the Private Investigator my insurance company has sent to keep an eye on me will sort it all out. I don’t think he has much else to do except sit out front of my apartment building behind his tinted windows watching my stream of male admirers enter and exit, and I wonder if they will cancel my insurance policy because I am suddenly so popular. I suppose they are casing the joint to find out if I actually have Multiple Sclerosis, and I want to knock on the guy’s window and tell him I would gladly give up my insurance policy not to have this disease, and to be able to walk without wobbling for two days in a row.

Meanwhile my Boss has been keeping an eye on me to make sure I am doing my job and that all my recent success has not made me lazy, and I am extra vigilant via the internet about making sure my non-boyfriend is not non-committing to any girl he has met on his travels. And finally, my nemesis Lorna McSlutchen has taken to tapping into my emails to also see if I am doing my job, we are all watching each other closely, and it’s frankly keeping me up at night. There is a nice guy who worked at this company right before I left who reads my Internet Column, and he now works for a notorious book publisher with a past even more checkered than mine, and he has brought her my work and they are offering me a small book deal. I should smack down a copy of my manuscript as soon as I finish it right on the windshield of the Private Investigator’s car, it will tell him everything he needs to know about me.


(d girls image artist Tashina Suzuki)